It is currently Saturday, September 11th, 2010. The absence of my blogging from the internet domain has been extended from my original hypothesized two weeks due to the family visit to the Jersey Shore, yard work and friends in Portland, crazy classes and the fact that my "e" key started to stick on my keyboard only after the warranty of my laptop ended. Initially, I thought about commemorating the end to my break with a posting about the Shore, family, a generic "huzzah" to classes or jumping in to the kiddie pool with a toe in Wish List Wednesdays. Stuck in a conundrum of how to end my conundrum, I find myself sitting here, on my couch on a Saturday night with my laptop on my lap, the remains of spaghetti-os and "Julie and Julia" playing on Starz. There will not be a break in the break until I decide to actually get up and do something.
The remarkable thing about tonight has been nothing. Nothing is a good thing. I have been able to eat dinner by myself, lay horizontally on the couch, dip into loneliness and attempt to drag myself out of it. Melodramatic stereotypes aside, I have had some rough patches in life, with the previous semester taking the top tier of the cake of my life. I enjoy the company of others to no end, and there is serenity in silence and being alone, however, I always seem at a cross road on how I can handle myself with just myself in the room. I like to think that I am always there for my friends, and despite my poor judgement, I like to think I chose decent friends to reciprocate those sentiments. Friends and aloneness aren't my difficulty.
Those more than friends people are where life gets tricky.
Boyfriends, boy-toys, romantic interests, gigantic messes, everything in between and those who I care for dearly (family included) can make your life amazing...or resemble a nuclear cloud. While at college, I have experienced homesickness, however, it always seems that longing is worse the closer you are to someone geographically. While I do not like to overly apologize and find it petty and compromising to ones' self, this is one of those posts where I feel that it is necessary to not apologize for my emotions. Stereotypes about overly emotional women be damned. I get lonely easily.
Searching for that someone in your life varies from person to person. I know friends who just seemed to click, from my best friend to a high school acquaintance who has been with his sweetheart all through college. Friends who can't commit for more than a week to those who have almost sworn off the other sex, there yet seems to be a method, even a common thread running through those stories of "the one" or even a "balanced" relationship. What is balance? What is a good relationship? Is it possible to have a "good" relationship even if one of the parties isn't fully whole?
Are these legitimate questions on my part or am I just waisting my time?
This will be a two-part post, with more answers to come after I ponder over a baguette and some nutella. There is nothing that nutella can't help.