Wish List Wednesday!

Standardized large tests are the bain of my existence. By 2010 aren't we supposed to have helmets which just suck the information and knowledge out of our heads? I dream of the day when test anxiety goes away.

Well lookie there, I made a rhyme.

Trying to stay on the positive, let's move along with Wish List Wednesday.

Last week was shoes, and I figured I'd go on an accessory kick. That being said, hats are the focus of this week. First we start with something simple. Hats of simple but structurally sound construction design can add a lot to an outfit lacking that certain something, with that being said, this cloche, a small wide-brimmed hat seems to be a nice top to the fall.


Next along in headgear highlights, the seasons shift to winter for this hat. I have a large place in my heart for all things warm and fuzzy, and this piece by Diane von Furstenberg seems to be one of the highlights of that category.


IT'S SO FLUFFY!

Lastly, I leave with a formal note with thisfascinator. While it is a miniature hat, four feet of a tulle train is just too exciting.


Have a good week folks. I hope it's a bit better than my day was.

Self Indulgent Attention Time

Unfortunately I don't have much to report today. Yes, there were plausible ideas for posts and pondering today, but many lingered only for a second as I spent the bulk of my day baking banana nut muffins, arguing with Time Warner cable, cleaning my apartment and studying like crazy. I am still studying now. I do not know when I am going to be able to cease.

My Actuarial Exam P is on Wednesday.

Nervous doesn't even begin to cover it.

My mom has asked me "so what if after taking the exam, you decide you don't want to do this?". The decision isn't the question. My determination and pure emotion aren't questionable. I want this. Try telling that to my procrastination behemoth fueled by anxious nerves of uncertainty.

I've been here before. I should have studied more. I should have studied harder, better, faster, stronger, all that should have without a Kayne West song. No beats to move me along, just a dreary melody of "should have".

At this point, I'm just going to cave myself in tomorrow apart from a run and the necessary trips to the dining hall for food.

Nerves suck.

Rawr.

Squid!

People react to death in different ways. People react to the deaths of different people in different ways. When my Grandma Helen passed away on October 22nd, 2008 I heard from an email early that morning from my godfather, my Uncle Mark. Following that email, coming only five days after my 20th birthday, I collapsed on my bed. For minutes I just lay there, frozen. Then the tears came. Although I knew my grandma had a very rewarding long life of 84 years, and she had been battling lunch cancer for the prior year, I broke into hysterics. Although we were 3,000 miles away for most of my life, I loved my Grandma Helen.

Helen Lawler was the icon of fair. She made each of her nine grandchildren always feel loved. While there is a lot I did not know about my grandmother, there is a lot I emotionally invested in her. She was love, fairness, equality. She was a rock of stability that I could always talk to. Her meals, some of my cherished childhood meals, instantly bring warmth into my heart. It is understandable that I reacted so dramatically. I did not speak to my parents for most of the day, ignoring the bulk of their calls until the evening when I could finally stand. Some might say that I was overly dramatic, but I have always been a very emotional person. Never getting a chance to call her, in the hospital, to thank her for my birthday gift haunted me for months.

I have received emails from Jesuit High School, since graduating, of classmates and peers who have passed away. The same can be said of RPI, from people I have never heard of to a great guy I meet casually last summer. All of the tragic deaths that have been connected to me of peers up until this point were accidents. Taken before their time, these situations were out of their control. It always hits me when someone my age passes. It's unexpected, it's before they're ready, and it just hits you like an unexpected wave of ocean water in the face of the warm sun.

I never lost a close friend.

Daniel Riley Fujimoto left this world a few days ago. Not to be disrespectful, or demean his life, but the title of this post, for those who knew me in and him in middle school is representative of our friendship. I met Fuji in sixth grade band class. He is one of the few male flutists that I have ever known personally. Fuji became one of my best friends in middle school and the early part of high school; to this day, I’m not sure how. I was awkward, he was at first timid, but somehow conversation started. There is a lot I could say about Fuji. The memories go on and on, but throughout all of them he brought so much life into the world. From the ramble book to band conversations, talking constantly through classes, making fun of Ms. Russo, and all the endless phone conversations, Fuji always brought a smile to my face. I have always had a very dark side to me, and in eighth grade it started to flare up again. Fuji was there for me. I cannot count the number of phone calls between our houses when he offered support.

I remember when I had a huge crush on Fuji in eighth grade, before he came out, and realize now, that who wouldn’t love him? Fuji was life, he was joy, he was unbounded ridiculousness. The love he had for others was endless, as was his bitter wit.

I regret not being as close with Fuji in recent years, even before his death. I always knew he had a dark side that was always one of the things that bonded us. He and I copiloted our endless roller coaster of emotions, plunging down farther each turn only to reach for that next blissful uptake. He was always an amazing friend, keeping tabs with me even in college. A party at his place for 4th of July one college summer made me think of bittersweet past days. I can’t coherently say how much Fuji meant to me, having not been coherent for some of these last few days.

I will always remember “squid” as silly as it is to have a dear memory about a friend conditioning you into being voice trained.

I will always remember you Fuji.

If you had asked me seven years ago, who would have gone first, I would have told you it was me. He might have too. I always hoped that light within him that shone so bright could push back the darkness.

I will always remember you Fuji. Always.

Wish List Wednesday!

Bear with me folks, yes I do know that today is technically Thursday but in my defense, the post was started and saved yesterday. I just forgot to publish it. I had a very busy Wednesday with my final research presentation, starting work on my research paper, actuarial studying and bowling. Somehow I stayed up for 18 hours. I don't know how, but I did.

Moving on!

In light of being done with my research presentation, the focus of Wish List Wednesday this week is SHOES! Wait what? What do shoes have to do with macroeconomic mathematical modeling? Apart from getting into a lengthy discussion about price levels and inflation with supply and demand, labor forces and what have you, the bottom line is this: after a big accomplishment, I like to indulge in a pair of awesome shoes. The end of last summer's research gave light to the birth of my red booties. That being said, here are some examples of awesomeness that get my female irrationalities really going.

I have always wanted to try wedges, but something always stops me when I see them in a store or online. I used to think that they were preposterous and ridiculous, so perhaps that inhibition is still inside me? Either way, if I get over that hurdle, these N.Y.L.A. wedges, available in different colors too, look amazing.

Just have to figure out how to walk in them first. If I can tackle Econometrics, I can tackle wedges right?

Next up, some of you who know me well, are aware I love boots. I live in boots from September till April or until it becomes too hot. I've even worn them during this past summer, however, I do not own a pair of black boots that I wear regularly.

They're over the knee boots. What's not to love?

Lastly, these purple heels are just too cute. Yes, a 5" heel with a 1" platform is a bit daunting, but I've got a thing for suede, as evidenced by my selections above.


Opinions on the proper shoe splurge anyone?

Just Can't Get Enough of that Sexiness

While there are many things that separate men from women, there exists a smaller number of things that unite them. Food, drink, certain activities, and most obviously sex. Now while both sexes like, enjoy and interact in sexual intercourse and behaviors, the way that each side approaches it just causes another split entirely. After my own reflection and a somewhat non-enlightening and predictable conversation with Chelsea, I'd like to touch on that icing on the sex cake, lingerie.

Lingerie shouldn't be that hard, however, it easily gets divided into to categories: what is "sexy" and what is practical or comfortable. These garments include underwear (I do not say or like the word "panties"), bras or brassieres, corsets, shape-wear, tights and stockings, garters, chemises, slips and many subcategories of those garments which I do not understand. "Comfortable" things tend to invoke images of soft cotton, satin, cotton-poly blends and soft fibers such as the camisole and underwear combination modeled by my biggest girl-crush below:

Victoria's Secret, the queen of all things gravity defying even has a collection called "Victoria's Secret Soft" which seems to be perfect for sleeping by yourself, lounging around the house, or for those with committed relationships. Cotton is one of the most comfortable fibers in my opinion for casual rays of sunshine flowing through your windows as you wistfully pen your thoughts of the world and love in a leather bound journal.

What I am attempting to get at is that most "comfortable" lingerie lacks the instant sex appeal that results in a sudden increase of elevation for a certain male body part. Therefore, by contrast "sexy" lingerie fills the roll of male gravity defiance. These types of garments, following set theory logic seem to define that the union of "comfortable" and "sexy" is the set of all lingerie, while the intersect of "sexy" and "comfortable" is the empty set. The two seem to be mutually exclusive and independent.

"Sexy" lingerie involves lace, mesh, black, red, pink, revealing combinations of fabric designed to go straight to sex. There is not mental hurdle to be leaped, you see it, and the image and desire is there. Unfortunately, most of "sexy" lingerie, like this little number is so revealing that a shot or self-esteem of steel is required.

I could go on to a lengthy argument about the difference between men and woman's sexual desires, but I'd chose to not be a sour-puss since I do believe there is some overlap. There is hope people! Occasionally retailers develop something that we think exists in the cute and comfy category, namely polka-dots, but is combined with structure to produce creations such as:


and

I mean come on. Ladies you know that polka-dots are cute, yet how did this get into the sexy category?

From my own experience and tale's of friends' trials, the best conclusion that I can come up with is the same as the difference between men and women socializing. We over-analyze too much. For men, it seems, if it makes you look good, then who cares what category it falls into? The only doubt I have about this assumption though is, does it apply to that worn-out tank top and cotton boy-shorts that a girl likes to sleep in? Maybe there is too much societal bullshit programming in my brain, but I feel hard pressed to say that men find comfortable old separates as instantly alluring as some of the above "sexy" images.

The one, personal, item that seems to fit both "sexy" and "comfortable" is an item of underwear constructed purely of lace. Its design eliminates as many seams and stitching as possible, so for a girl it doesn't feel like you are wearing anything. For a guy, well it's black lace, what more do you want?

I suppose I had a conclusion here somewhere along the lines, but it seems to have disappeared into the boning of my corset of sexual insecurities. It would be nice to see society, individuals and clothing not have 9,000 variations on woman's undergarments. We have exhausting combinations to don; men decide between boxers or boxer briefs. Sorry for excluding the guys out there who wear briefs, but really guys, you might want to try something else on. Society seems to mess with the female mind from the second she wakes up. It'd be nice if she could at least make it out of the house without confusion.

Inception: My Thoughts

I don't normally do movie reviews or reflections on them, because frankly, I am aware I do not know a damn about good cinema apart from there should exist an interesting cohesive plot with proper character development and implementation. What the heck though?

On Saturday afternoon, I saw "Inception" with my boyfriend and two other friends. Hype had been brewing from critics and friends a like. "You have to see it twice to get it", "I can't wait to see it again", "It was amazing!" all circulated around my ears, so while I did not have a huge yearning to see it, I figured why not?

I saw it. I thought about it. It was okay.

I was expecting some sort of ridiculous mind confusing continuum along the lines of "Shutter Island" or maybe even "Donnie Darko". Even now I do not understand the amazing awe that seems to have over taken people. Maybe I missed something. While the effects themselves were close to mind blowing, I found the whole "dream within a dream within a dream" thing, while not completely linear in its time dimension transformation, to be relatively straightforward, almost a simple exponential. Again, maybe I missed something, but I fail to see what the hype was about.

Don't get me wrong, it was not a bad movie, I just don't think it's the Oscar Blockbuster Super Fantasmo of the Year. If it is, well, the movie industry has been hard pressed to turn out successive hits for a while, so I guess I won't be that surprised.

Anyone care to enlighten me?

I Don't Discuss with Angry Monkeys

Before I begin this blog post, I am going to apologize for a lack of blogging in the past almost two weeks with the full knowledge that I don't have to. I am not sure what the total consistent readership is apart from Chelsea and Erin at work, however, I did start this as a project for myself to write in some form consistently, and a two week gap isn't really consistent now is it? Due to the two week gap, some events happened fairly recently and some happened far enough back that I don't remember the specific date. Although that's not saying much with my memory.

The basis for this first refreshing dive into blogging arose from an online discussion amongst good friends of mine from back home in Portland. Let me open by saying that it is ridiculously amusing that a political and ethical debate arose from my best friend posting homoerotic sports photos from the Huffington Post on another friend's facebook wall. That is seriously how this all started.

Now I chose to not give too much background because that gets tedious, and also I chose to not use too many names because this is still the internet and public debate. With that being said, this "discussion" involved three major friends with two good people I know. One of my major friends I know his opinions and political standing. The predominate good person, well I had no idea. For the sake of this post, I will be referred to as myself normally, or person C. My best friend is person A and the other person is person B.

Now after the posting of the homoerotic sports pictures, B questioned the validity of the source, the Huffington Post. Person A then responded wondering why the question arose and then inquired where B got their information, Fox News? Then all hell broke lose. In my opinion, Fox News has not been "fair and balanced" as their motto claims for quite some time. Between Bill O'Reilly's interview interrogation attacks in the past to the recent signing of Sarah Palin as a regular guest and commentator, Fox News, to me, is a network with a heavy rightward Republican bias. It's not as bad as an Evangelical post on some off cable channel, but it's no where near balanced.

Person A then wondered why B was wasting their time with Fox News and began to tear apart Fox News, but not the individual B. B, however, took great offense to this, believing that A claimed that B was incompetent or something of the like, and began to tear apart any other news channel including "Communist News Network" or CNN. This just escalated, and C mainly commented for an attempt at clarification so both parties could proceed to discuss in an orderly manner.

With this being half retold, let me say this. I have no problem with opposing viewpoints. I view myself, politically, as a moderate. I am more conservative minded on business and financial information, but am more liberal on social issues such as women's rights and education. I enjoy hearing different view points with one underlying condition. Argue and discuss in a composed, intelligent fashion. Did this ever become too much to ask?

Person B took things personally. An issue does not represent you completely. It is representative of a part of you, but for someone to take a different stance on a view than you does not mean that they think you are wrong and un-creditable. Person B broke into name-calling, unnecessary passive-aggressive emotions, and lost any semblance of grammatical structure, flow of any cohesive point and basic spelling. Call me a snob, but I am very hesitant to take you seriously if you type:

maybe of u guys knew a bit more about how seriously f***ed we all are with obama, pelosi, and the socialist (this is not an opinion but a fact)--- socialist agenda being crammed down the unwilling throats of most Americans.... You would be more cautious and like me, QUESTION the media and the government.

While it is only facebook, I view anything on the internet as public domain, so please have the decency to seem like you passed through four years of English courses at respected schools. Lack of grammatical structure and spelling just tells the reader how easily you roller-coasted into a sinusoidal oscillation between timid passiveness to fire-breathing aggression. Losing your cool in any argument just tells me that you let the opposing view win. They didn't even have to try. You just did the work for them. Congratulations on yelling so hard that the white flag fell out of your pocket.

Focusing back on the actual content of the article, I do not think that there is much inherently wrong with the Huffington Post. My issue with Fox News is that you cannot claim to be "fair and balanced" if you have five Republican guests and only two weak speaking Democratic guests to discuss an issue on air. Any news source nowadays should be taken with a grain of salt. There is a reason we have higher cognitive abilities after all. It is okay to agree to disagree; not every discussion is a battle to be won. I will tackle and discuss just about any issue with a fair minded intelligent individual, no matter what the opposing viewpoint might be.

I refuse, however, to discuss with angry monkeys.